This month found us dealing with a failed transmission. Stuff like this only seems to happen during Liquid Luster's slow season. I don't think it's just because when it rains it pours, or because shit happens. I believe it's because it gives me a chance to prove this faith I claim to have as real. Do I still believe in Jesus when I'm walking in the fire, or do I fall apart as soon as I feel heat? God gave me emotions, (hormones), feelings, a heart that feels joy and ache, so I don't feel like I'm doing wrong in feeling stressed. It's all in how I handle it. This is a HUGE struggle for me. My default wants to freak out, cry, and rock back and forth in the corner at the first sign of financial stress. I don't really know why this is my gut reaction. Maybe it's because we started our marriage off mailing our rent check each month with a note that said, "Please do not cash until the 5th." Maybe it's because I've known what the "overdraft" envelope looks like before I even open it. Whatever the reason, I'm determined to get to a place where trust is more dominant than fear in these situations. And our transmission decided to give me the opportunity to work on this.
As I'm writing, this blog has gone in a different direction than I planned. I'm going to go with it, and save what I thought I was going to write about for next time. Who knew my mechanic's bill would inspire two blogs. (If only I could pay for the failed transmission in blogs.)
A lesson I heard has come to mind, and it fits perfectly with these thoughts about genuine faith in tough circumstances. In the book of Daniel it talks about the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The king at the time said that anyone who refused to worship the idol made of gold would be thrown into a fiery furnace. Yet these men would only worship God. When they were thrown in the fire, the king said he saw four men, even though only three had been thrown in. Some say the fourth was an angel. Some say Jesus. Either way, God did not give them over to the flames that were so hot they killed the very guards who threw them in. They trusted in God, and he walked through the fire with them. The part that gives me goosebumps talks about when the three came out of the fire. Daniel 3:27 says "They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them." I want to take this financial strain, and not let it cause me to waiver. I am choosing to trust that if I walk through the fire with God, I can come out the other side not only alive, but without even a hint of smoke on me.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Don't Shake the Baby!
I'm just a nanny. But when I started asking myself the question, "What are the fruits of my labor?", I began to realize my job is a lot more important than I give it credit for. This shift in belief about what I do has changed the way I work. (Most days---I'm not perfect here.)
Back story---I tried college for 2 quarters. I majored in dating Justin, and minored in skipping class, eating Jimmy Johns, and seeing concerts at the Newport via my student loan stipend. I felt aimless. All I knew was that eventually I wanted to be a stay at home mom, so why was I going into debt to flunk out of school?
After withdrawing from OSU I tried working at a Caribou Coffee. There were a few things I learned in my short time there. 1) I like expensive coffee drinks. 2) I get stressed when long lines are waiting on me. and 3) It's easy to forget the espresso and serve people very expensive hot chocolates when you're rushed. I didn't last there past a week. And as an immature 20 year old I lied my way out of that job so I didn't have serve out my two weeks. That night I backed into a parking meter and pulled part of my 1989 Honda Accord bumper off. No need to worry, the problem was solved with some rope, tears, and an expensive dinner I had no right to be consuming. Most likely paid for with previously mentioned student loan stipend.
After my coffee shop fail I began searching for nanny jobs, thinking of it as mom college. I still have no idea how I was hired on with my first family. A 20 year old with high school babysitting as my only experience apparently qualified as enough for this family with 4 kids. (Day #2 I decided I no longer wanted that many kids of my own.) 10 years later and I'm still nannying, now with my 4th family. I plan to be with them until we have kids of our own.
When asked what I do, my answer tends to be "just a nanny." I've often felt like I didn't have an important or "real" job. But once I started thinking about the fact that I directly affect the attitude, feelings of worth/worthlessness, love, joy, enjoyment, manners, respect, etc. of a human life, something clicked that never had in the past. That's important stuff! What I do matters and how I act and react at work matters, even if I don't have a college degree. (Just the enjoyment of a few years of paying back student loans.) This thought process really shifted how I view and treat the kids I care for. Keeping this truth in the back of my mind grants more patience and love when I feel defeated and want to yell. Which is not usually an easy task with 3 kids fighting over who gets the middle seat in the van. (That's right, I roll in a Honda Odyssey at work, and I like it.) If children are so important to Jesus, then I need to stop belittling my job of helping to raise them. I understand it will always be a work in progress (even when they are my own), but I can now more easily wrap my mind around the striving towards having more moments spent in peace rather than anger, not just making it to 6:00 so I can go home.
But seriously---how can people so small be so frustrating sometimes?! God made them cute with delicious smelling heads for a reason.
Back story---I tried college for 2 quarters. I majored in dating Justin, and minored in skipping class, eating Jimmy Johns, and seeing concerts at the Newport via my student loan stipend. I felt aimless. All I knew was that eventually I wanted to be a stay at home mom, so why was I going into debt to flunk out of school?
After withdrawing from OSU I tried working at a Caribou Coffee. There were a few things I learned in my short time there. 1) I like expensive coffee drinks. 2) I get stressed when long lines are waiting on me. and 3) It's easy to forget the espresso and serve people very expensive hot chocolates when you're rushed. I didn't last there past a week. And as an immature 20 year old I lied my way out of that job so I didn't have serve out my two weeks. That night I backed into a parking meter and pulled part of my 1989 Honda Accord bumper off. No need to worry, the problem was solved with some rope, tears, and an expensive dinner I had no right to be consuming. Most likely paid for with previously mentioned student loan stipend.
After my coffee shop fail I began searching for nanny jobs, thinking of it as mom college. I still have no idea how I was hired on with my first family. A 20 year old with high school babysitting as my only experience apparently qualified as enough for this family with 4 kids. (Day #2 I decided I no longer wanted that many kids of my own.) 10 years later and I'm still nannying, now with my 4th family. I plan to be with them until we have kids of our own.
When asked what I do, my answer tends to be "just a nanny." I've often felt like I didn't have an important or "real" job. But once I started thinking about the fact that I directly affect the attitude, feelings of worth/worthlessness, love, joy, enjoyment, manners, respect, etc. of a human life, something clicked that never had in the past. That's important stuff! What I do matters and how I act and react at work matters, even if I don't have a college degree. (Just the enjoyment of a few years of paying back student loans.) This thought process really shifted how I view and treat the kids I care for. Keeping this truth in the back of my mind grants more patience and love when I feel defeated and want to yell. Which is not usually an easy task with 3 kids fighting over who gets the middle seat in the van. (That's right, I roll in a Honda Odyssey at work, and I like it.) If children are so important to Jesus, then I need to stop belittling my job of helping to raise them. I understand it will always be a work in progress (even when they are my own), but I can now more easily wrap my mind around the striving towards having more moments spent in peace rather than anger, not just making it to 6:00 so I can go home.
But seriously---how can people so small be so frustrating sometimes?! God made them cute with delicious smelling heads for a reason.
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